They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
