Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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