i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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