I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
