I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
