Three words: puerto rican gang bang
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
