dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
