he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
