does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
