it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
