maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't trust your balls anymore.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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