I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
