And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
