just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
