the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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