im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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