Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
