is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
