i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
