Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
