Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
