I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
