sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
