do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
