I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
