Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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