Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
