Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just made my gag reflex go away.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
