need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
