Betty ford says i'm here all night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
