I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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