you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
