Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I deserve this hangover.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
