I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
