i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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