why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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