there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
