You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
