Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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