Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
