I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
