If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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