I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
