people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
