i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
