I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
