So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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