I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
