I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
