I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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