Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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