Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
